Learn about bids for connection and how responding to them builds intimacy. Discover how small moments shape the quality of your relationship.
The Currency of Connection
Dr. John Gottman's research revealed that couples connect (or disconnect) through thousands of small "bids" every day — a glance, a comment, a touch. How you respond to these bids determines the emotional climate of your relationship.
What Are Bids for Connection?
A "bid" is any attempt — however small — to connect with your partner. Bids can be:
- Verbal: "Did you see that article about...?"
- Physical: Reaching out to hold your partner's hand
- Emotional: Sharing excitement or worry about something
- Playful: An inside joke or silly face
Turning Toward vs. Turning Away
Research shows that couples who "turn toward" bids (acknowledge them positively) build emotional bank accounts that sustain the relationship through hard times.
Key Practices
- Notice the bids you and your partner make
- Practice turning toward even when distracted
- Create daily rituals for connection
- Repair when you miss or dismiss a bid
Articles in Bids for Connection
- How to Strengthen Trust in a Relationship: 7 Tips-in-a-relationship): Why Transparency is Key to Strengthening TrustActions Speak Louder: Keeping Promises and CommitmentsUnderstanding and Addressing InsecuritiesRebuilding Trust After It’s BrokenThe Power of Setting...
- How to Be a Supportive Partner: Providing Emotional Support in Your Relationship: Emotional Support in a Relationship: The Key to Lasting Connection Emotional Support in a Relationship: The Key to Lasting ConnectionHow to be a supportive partnerActive ListeningExpressing...
- How Bids of Connection Can Save Your Relationship: How Bids of Connection Can Save Your RelationshipThe Importance of Emotional Connection in RelationshipsCultivating Mindfulness to Improve Bids How Bids of Connection Can Save Your Relationship The...